What Are We Gonna Do With All This Trash?

February 22, 2007

Am I Crazy...

...or does Britney Spears go to rehab like the rest of us go to 7-11? Three times in one week!! Wow, now that's what I call 'recidivism.' Or maybe in Hollywood, "rehab" is just a more fashionable way to say "day spa"..

You're Thinking . . .

Awwww! They are so cute and adorable! Who doesn't love a good chimp? Michael Jackson certainly does. They're cute, fuzzy, childlike, and so innocent . . . but are they really?

Chimps Observed Making Their Own Weapons

P.S. I'm not at all surprised about the female chimps. I am also pretty sure those female chimps are smarter than 97.7% of human males.

February 21, 2007

Timberlake’s Out Of His Unholy Mind

I don’t know about you, but I’m the kind of dude that when I hear my actress girlfriend has cloned a smaller version of herself, I get more excited.

I guess that’s just how I was raised.

[image used without permission from worth1000.com]

February 20, 2007

Holy Asian Jumping Beans!

Hallelujah! Asians all over the world are jumping for joy. Erasure is coming out with a new album on May 22. Get it. Even if you're not Asian.

Can't wait? Need a taste of the new Erasure? Need a fucking hit do ya? Alright then. Here's a lil bit. Just a lil bit. http://www.myspace.com/erasureofficial

Introducing the Most Sophisticated Piece of Technology . . .

you will ever pee on? http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1075655105397704666
Check it out.

February 08, 2007

God Damn It

James Patterson has stolen my life for another one of his terribly written crime novels.

I will get you, James Patterson. And so will my ten children.

Sleep lightly, hack boy.

A History Of Trash

Trash, at first, was a pretty cool guy. You know, he’d come over with some beers, and you’d hang out and have a couple of laughs. Maybe Trash brought some weed with him, and you guys tried to sync up Dark Side Of The Moon with The Wizard Of Oz until you remembered you lost your VHS copy of that movie sometime in college and that you fucking hate Pink Floyd. Good times were had, nonetheless.

But then, you don’t know what changed, but Trash started to overstay his welcome. He’d just linger for hours, never taking the hint you wanted him to leave, no matter how many times you yawned obnoxiously or mentioned how early you had to get up tomorrow. Trash just didn’t get it. You were getting older. You didn’t have the time anymore to stay up until 3 a.m. to talk about the Port season of “The Wire” or how much you miss Jawbox. Eventually, you just stopped taking Trash’s phone calls and no longer replied to his group e-mails about sneaking into abandoned mental hospitals.

Last time you saw Trash, he was smoking alone outside a local dive bar, looking down at his decaying and mismatched shoes. You hoped he had been doing well. You hoped he had not been hurt by the disintegration of your friendship. And if he had, you wanted to comfort him. You wanted to tell him that even though people move on with their lives, it doesn’t mean they stop caring. You wanted him to see in your eyes a sincere appreciation for the time you shared, because all the relationships in our lives help make us who we are, and even if you weren’t the best of friends anymore, you wanted him to know that there would always be a piece of Trash in your heart.

But instead, you looked away and crossed the street. You were with your new girlfriend, and you really didn’t want to have to explain Trash to her. She’d never understand.