Shamelessly Promoting Ourselves

Hey there, friends.
Have you ever wondered what unemployed dudes do while you're out there, ya know, all employed and shit? They make movies about how working blows and some other metaphorical crap. Enjoy.

What Are We Gonna Do With All These Guns?

Gun maker, Gun maker
Make me a gun
'Shooting off at the mouth'
Isn't half as much fun
Gun maker, Gun maker
Look through your book
And make me a perfect gun

Gun maker, Gun maker
Just because you're law abiding
Doesn't mean you're not crazy
(And all of us are)
Put a gun in your hand
and become a star

Guns don't kill people
It's all the bullshit
Crammed down our throats
from the gun lobby's pulpit
Can you be pro-life and pro-gun
At the same time?
Kind of reminds me
Of the garrulous mime

Gun maker, Gun maker
It's not a secret
You've got limitless funds in your pocket
Gun control debates
Mysteriously vanish from the docket

Gun maker, Gun maker
Absolved from the crime
Your deal with the government
Has bought you some time
Riches in this life
Hell to pay in the next
Millions of lost souls
Are understandably vexed

Gun maker, Gun maker
"We have the right to bear arms"
How loud must you scream?
To drown out the sounds
Of yet another shattered dream

What Are We Gonna Do With All These Babies?

We are proud to introduce you to Andrew and Matthew, the brand-spanking new identical twins of dear friends Ben and Bissy. Andy (on the left) came out a bit heavier than Matt, so obviously I’ve taken a special liking to him, but they are both incredibly awesome and adorable. Welcome, boys. We excitedly await your first blog posts...

This Is Not An Ethnocentric Diatribe

So, one of my many adventures landed my wife and I in the streets of Paris, France. As we were walking around, wondering how we got there (my wife used Travelocity), I came to the realization that the American attitude and the French attitude are not a bit congruent. Sure, Americans are rude, loud, ignorant, know-it-all, cowboy colonists, but sheesh.. Allow me to explain, whenever I was in a restaurant and asked for 'French' dressing for my salad (une salade en Francais; that extra 'E' aint' foolin me, Frenchie!), the waiter invariably slapped me clear across the face. Some slaps were of the 'pimp' variety, others were not. Asking for 'French' dressing for my French Fries resulted in an even larger amount of slaps. It got so bad that my wife started slapping me across the face for ordering 'French' dressing (you know that saying "When in Rome..."; I don't really care for it, plus Paris is nowhere near Rome). At restaurants here, I can get all the 'French' dressing I desire, sans slaps. Apparently, there was a huge war (the bloody and drawn-out "Guerre Du Salade") and the French waiters are still quite a bit bitter about all the casualties.

Anyway, I got slapped so many times, I started thinking about the disconnect I was noticing between art and culture. Here I was in Gay Paree, a place known for being incredibly artistic: the Louvre, the beautiful architecture, the literature, the fashion, Monet, Manet, Jacques Cousteau, and Sophie Marceau. But culturally, the people (notably the waiters, with all the wanton slapping) came across as narrow-minded, exclusionary, even bigoted. And I didn't have to come all the way across the Atlantic Ocean in an infernal flying machine for that bullshit, if you know what I mean..