2009, I'm Glad You're Dead

This was a difficult year. I lived most of the year in an insect-riddled cave; I started doing cooler stuff at work, which meant way more work, which also meant a heavy measure of much-avoided stress; the fledgling production company I started hasn’t made anything of quality in a long time, making me question my talent and leading to sleeplessness and more stress; I grew disenfranchised watching Democrats get in the way of progress because they were now the ones getting fat on lobbyist cash; I bristled when Obama continued two bullshit wars; and my poor health has caused kidneys troubles that persist = more stress.

I’m glad you’re over, 2009. For a year that was supposed to be so filled with optimism and potential, you sure were one motherfucker of a taint kick.

So, to usher in a new year, my favorite toast:

Every saint has a past; every sinner a future. Here’s to the future!

R.I.P. George Michael (aka Over-sized 'Play' Button Pushing Sports Machine Guy)

I just wanted to take a little time to remember George Michael, D.C.-area sportscaster and host of the Sports Machine, who passed away several days ago at the age of 70.

In the past, we have made fun of George Michael not only because of his pollyanna-ish views on all local pro sports teams, but also because of the way he stood in front of ridiculously gigantic A/V equipment (a 'sports machine', if you will) with equally gigantic play, stop, forward, and rewind buttons. Even as the technology advanced and video playback devices got smaller and smaller, those buttons always remained disproportionately big--prompting questions such as, "Does George Michael have poor motor skills?" and "Why can't the Sports Machine use free-range child labor instead of sweatshop child labor for all of its novelty button manufacturing needs?"


But perhaps we were too hasty with our relentless cajoling of George Michael and the Sports Machine. I was watching ESPN yesterday and somebody said that without the Sports Machine there wouldn't be any ESPN, there wouldn't be any SportsCenter. After the beer I was drinking shot out through my nose, I started to realize that this person had a pretty good point. While no ESPN would mean never having to experience the baneful Stuart Scott, I began to see that George Michael's overall contributions to the field of sports' highlights were, after all, pretty damn significant.

So... here's to you, George Michael.



P.S. Arch Campbell, don't think for a second that you'll be getting off this easy.

Holiday Pageantry In The Form Of A "Top Records Of 2009" List

In all honesty though, now that everyone and their Granpappy (well, at least Mike and Pitchfork) has a "Best Music Of [time period X]" list out, I'm afraid my effort is going to seem a bit pedestrian and repetitive. In a feeble attempt to combat this, I'm not only going to outline the most pleasing records of 2009 and the reasons that I enjoyed them, but I'm also going to provide: (1) the top 2 or 3 songs on said albums; (2) a line or two of lyrics from these songs that make me nod my head in agreement; and (3) a couple of things that I don't like about these records (keeping in line with my theory that there is no such thing as a "perfect" album).

Away we go:
(in no particular order until we get to the Top 3)

Lynx + Kemo, The Raw Truth

What I Like:

• Finally, a Drum & Bass album worthy of a year end list. D&B has been mired in irrelevance for most of the 2000s and has played second fiddle to newer dance scenes coming out of the UK, but I actually think this record is nearly as ground-breaking as Roni Size's New Forms back in '97.
  
• I have always felt that D&B works better with a vocalist (whether they are singing or rapping; even vocal samples can improve upon a track) to help temper the punishment your brain takes from sub-subterranean bass levels, 180 beats per minute, and the repetitive nature of most D&B. I'm not usually enamored with British emcees, but Kemo's style and voice fits the music perfectly here--dark, deep, gravelly, paranoid, and apocalyptic.
  

Favorite Songs: "Global Enemies", "Camera", "One Love"


Choice Lyric:

"Reflect, regroup, reject, reboot, recall, respond, rebel, reward, record, return, reform, reverse, refuse, repeat, refuse, revolt!"

What I Don't Like:

• Kemo doesn't appear on every track.
  
• The songs that don't deviate from the 'traditional' D&B formula ("Dangerous", "Deez Breaks", "The Semitones") are pretty standard issue and get skipped, but Lynx does a good job elsewhere of including some intriguing elements.
  
• For some reason, my favorite song of theirs ("Carnivale") was not a part of this album. And a piece of me is including this album based on the strength of this single, which kinda feels like cheating.
  

Little Dragon, Machine Dreams

What I Like:

• Swedish band with a soulful Japanese-Swedish front-woman (Yukimi Nagano) paying homage to 80's electro/electro-soul.... hmmm, has that combination of words ever appeared together before? Anyway, if socialism is even tangentially responsible for all of the beautiful music coming out of Sweden, I say bring on the socialism.
  
• They have my vote for Album Art of the Year (close 2nd was the cover art for Massive Attack's Splitting the Atom EP).
  
• The videos for "Fortune" and "Swimming"(<--Yukimi's dad made the video for this one, that's pretty cool) are really great, too.
  

Favorite Songs: "Blinking Pigs", "Thunder Love", "Fortune", "Feather"


Choice Lyric:

"Mountain of pearls to soothe the soul
Gold and silver and silk to cover the old
Clocks and rubies crushing these hard bones
I'm going blind from too many shiny stones
The fortune cast a curse
I knew it would.."

What I Don't Like:

• Unfortunately, this band (especially on this album, to a much lesser extent on their self-titled debut) falls prey to what I like to call 'Sonic Youth Syndrome'**--that is, they take a perfectly beautiful melody and then fuck it all up by adding some unnecessary distortion or random noisiness. Apparently, there is a shortage of vaccinations as many bands succumb to this condition. I guess that some bands feel like they need to add elements to songs to make them edgier and less accessible or something. For example, the childish, wonky keyboard solo on "Looking Glass" doesn't fit at all and renders an otherwise enjoyable tune nearly impossible to listen to.
  
• Yukimi Nagano has a super beautiful voice, but it isn't displayed front-and-center here like it was on their first album.
  
• While I like Machine Dreams a lot (I was really close to putting it in the Top 3), I still have the nagging feeling it could have been even better.
  

Bat For Lashes, Two Suns

What I Like:

• Even though my wife suspects that I have schoolboy crushes on all of the female vocalists that I listen to (perhaps a teeny-tiny bit, but hey, I'm not the one who googles Paul Banks on a daily basis and drives to Philly to see his side project on the Friday after Thanksgiving...), it's not really my fault--some girls have incredibly pretty singing voices capable of melting iron hearts. What more can I say?
  

Favorite Songs: "Daniel", "Glass", "Travelling Woman"


Choice Lyric:

"..never fall in love with potential.."

What I Don't Like:

• I really hate it when they release "Deluxe Edition" albums within several months of the initial album's release date. It's like rewarding people for being lazy (I'm usually a fan of this practice, but only when I'm the one being lazy). I believe that the deluxe edition of Two Suns comes with some bonus tracks--a gorgeous, 'way-better-than-the-original' cover of the Kings of Leon's (I don't like them either) "Use Somebody" and a cover of the Cure's "A Forest"--in addition to some videos.
  
• I don't understand what Natasha Khan's 'Pearl' alter-ego is all about.
  

jj, N° 2

What I Like:

• Very dreamy pop music with a global feel (I have no idea what that means).
  
• Listening to this music makes me say things that don't make any sense (see above bullet point).
  
• I like how "My Hopes and Dreams" progresses: the first two verses are pretty morose and would be right at home on a Portishead album, but then the third verse tells you everything's gonna be alright...and then the song abruptly ends--leaving you yearning for more.
  

Favorite Songs: "My Hopes and Dreams", "Intermezzo", "Ecstasy"


Choice Lyric:

"..And of course there's people out to get me
but they don't have a trace of me and my soul.."

What I Don't Like:

• At least a couple of songs come across as campy.
  
• Sometimes it is hard to tell if "Ecstasy" is being serious or tongue-in-cheek--I mean, it uses a Lil Wayne sample, and has the lines "if you get a hug, guess which drug I'm on" and "Bienvenido a Miami"(<--from a Will Smith song?!?). Please tell me it's tongue-in-cheek.
  

DOOM, Born Like This

What I Like:

• In my opinion, this guy is the best active emcee in hip-hop (Black Thought would be #2). Nobody has a crazier vocabulary, more knowledge of pop culture, a better sense of word play, or better usage of non-sequitur--and all of these are on display here.
  
• Arguably the best producer in hip-hop as well.
  
• Dude is never ever seen without his mask, even at the grocery store.
  

Favorite Songs: "Gazillion Ear", "That's That", "Cellz", "Still Dope"


Choice Lyric:

"Lend sympathy to limper simple simon rhymin emcees
Trees is free, please leave a key
These meager fleas, he's the breeze
And she's the bees knees fo' sheez
G's of G's
Seize property, shopper sprees, chop the cheese
Drop the grease to stop diseases, gee wiz Pa!
DOOM rock grandma like the Kumbaya!"

"The key, plucked it off the mayor
chucked it in the old tar pit off La Brea, playa"

What I Don't Like:

• DOOM has the tendency to 're-use' old beats from his Special Herbs instrumental series.
  
• It's not hard to view "Batty Boys" as pretty offensive to gays.
  

Major Lazer, Guns Don't Kill People...Lazers Do

What I Like:

• Diplo and Switch's production is rock solid.
  
• I can't think of a better way to spend 36 seconds than listening to the warped horns that kick in at the 3:06 mark of "Cash Flow".
  
• The video for "Pon de Floor" manages to turn me on, offend me, make me giggle, and make me think philosophically, all at the same time! The best way to describe it is 'porn with clothes on'.
  

Favorite Songs: "Cash Flow", "Can't Stop Now", "Hold the Line"


Choice Lyric:

"Johnny Blaze, good morning sir!"

What I Don't Like:

• The sex song ("What U Like")? Not stimulating.
  
• "Keep It Goin' Louder" annoys me; I'm not sure why so many people like this song.
  
• Except for "Pon de Floor", the 2nd half of the album I don't enjoy too much.
  

And now for my Tippy-Top 3:

#3. Animal Collective, Merriweather Post Pavilion

What I Like:

• It seems like Animal Collective has finally given into actual song structure and pop sensibilities without losing any of their individuality.
  
• Strange indie electro space songs about helping your brother, oppressive city heat, and "bouncing along every crack" in the sidewalk while pushing a baby stroller? Now I've heard everything.
  
• Oooooo!!! I just noticed that it looks like the cover art is moving when you stare at it!! (It works even better if you click on the image to make it bigger)
  

Favorite Songs: "Summertime Clothes", "Daily Routine", "My Girls"


Choice Lyric:

"..a voice from the clock says 'you're not gonna get tired..'"

"..so much on my mind that it spills outside.."

What I Don't Like:

• Here's another band with a terminal case of 'Sonic Youth Syndrome'**. As far as I can tell, they have spent their entire musical career (before this album) completely bedridden by it. While they have proved that they are on the mend, they still have the tendency to relapse into nightmarish, ketamine-infused elevator music.
  
• Did they really have to sing "when the sun goes down we'll go out again" SIXTEEN FREAKING TIMES in the middle of "Summertime Clothes"? For Pete's sake...
  

#2. The xx, xx

What I Like:

• This album feels really polished and has a real even keel throughout which you would not expect out of a band's initial offering.
  
• I find call-and-response, male vs. female verses in songs really alluring, especially for love-type songs.
  
• They both sing in a manner that seems almost lackadaisical or sleepy--like they just woke up from a two week nap. If I were ever to pursue a singing career, that's how I would do it, too.
  

Favorite Songs: "Heart Skipped A Beat", "Islands", "Stars"


Choice Lyric:

"Heart skipped a beat
but when I caught it you were out of reach"

"I don't have to leave anymore
what I have is right here
Spend my night and days before
Searching the world for what's right here"

What I Don't Like:

• All of their songs revolve around love and relationships, which isn't such a horrible thing, but I'd like some different thematic elements thrown in (isolation, death, ennui, food, poverty) just so I know they're not a one trick pony.
  

#1. Fever Ray, Fever Ray

What I Like:

• Yikes. When you think of what elements make a record great, 'scaring the shit out of you' usually doesn't spring to mind. But Fever Ray does it in such a brooding, under-your-skin kind of manner that makes it hard to completely shake free from the music's grasp--even people who don't like this record will have a hard time ever forgetting it.
  
• The lyrics are so personal, honest, natural, and human, it makes me a little embarrassed to be privy to the information that Ms. Dreijer-Andersson puts out there--it's kind of like eavesdropping on her inner-most thoughts. But on the other hand, when you hear these same lyrics put through all types of scary vocal effects, they take on an alien, disconcerted, unnatural feeling. I think it is this duality that makes this album work so well.
  
• And, oh yeah, if the music isn't haunting enough for you, check out the videos. You may want to leave a light on.
  
• "Coconut" begins with three and a half minutes of trippy, jungle vibes (complete with tropical birds whistling) before the vocals even kick in. I love the choral "oh oh oh-oh!" at the end of every other line.
  

Favorite Songs: "When I Grow Up", "Coconut", "Keep The Streets Empty For Me", "Dry and Dusty", "If I Had A Heart", "Concrete Walls"


Choice Lyric:

"..you've got cucumbers on your eyes
too much time spent on nothing
waiting for a moment to arise.."

What I Don't Like:

• Another case where they release a deluxe edition well after the initial release--this deluxe edition features all of Fever Ray's videos in addition to two bonus tracks (one of which is a cover of Nick Cave's "Stranger Than Kindness"--the fact she can make Nick Cave sound even more creepy than usual is quite an accomplishment).
  
• I'd like to hear her natural voice just a little more often.
  

**-There are so many bands and songs afflicted by this condition, I've actually started using the music editing program 'Audacity' to surgically remove the offending segments (tumors!) of music from my MP3s. An outro that lasts 30 seconds or 3 minutes too long? Gone. Self-indulgent, distorted guitar solo? See ya. Less than stellar, superfluous fourth verse? Outta here. Is that so wrong?

The Darkest Times Lead To The Greatest Art

Mike's 50 Favorite Records of the Decade

50. Circulatory System, Circulatory System, 2001
I love Olivia Tremor Control so much that this record made it onto the list. Wonderful psychedelic fuzz-pop about walking around with dinosaurs and lamenting infinity.

49. Yo La Tengo, I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass, 2006
See, we've been doing this a long time now. And thing is, we're a lot better than you. So, while we appreciate the effort, it would probably be best for everybody if you just took a seat so we can show you how shit works around here. Take some notes. You're welcome.

48. Junior Boys, So This is Goodbye, 2006
The Junior Boys make sexy music if you're idea of sexy is chilly and sparse electronic elements underpinning songs about love and loss. Sounds like ice fucking. Delicious. Also, they're Canadian!

47. Beulah, The Coast is Never Clear, 2001
It sounds as if Miles Kurosky poured all the pain of a broken heart into this record. The cold, hypnotic opening song announces the death of the relationship, which he goes on to describe with every possible metaphor: magazines, love songs, sunburn, Gene Autry. So great.

46. Múm, Yesterday Was Dramatic, Today is OK, 2001
Electronic and acoustic instruments blend brilliantly on this debut: a rattle, some clicking, notes stretch into chords, and melodies form from fragments into lovely epics. Bonus points for being from Iceland!

45. Frightened Rabbit, Midnight Organ Fight, 2008
The very definition of a great pop record. Almost every song can induce bad dancing and off-key singalongs. Incredibly catchy, yet sad, songs about fucking = Yes!

44. Young People, Young People, 2002
I can't think of a way to describe Young People other than incredible. It's kinda like folk, if folk were sparse, loud, and dissonant. See for yourself. Please.

43. Stars, Set Yourself On Fire, 2004
I am already regretting this list. I don't know how Pitchfork does it. So many lists! I guess it helps to have a staff of dozens and ad revenue. God, I'm not even through the 40s yet. Fuck. I don't know if I can keep this up... Um, here's another record I liked a lot. Lots of girl vs. boy singing and great tunes. They're somehow related to Broken Social Scene. Or maybe it's the Arcade Fire. I've lost it.

42. Broadcast, HaHa Sound, 2003
Broadcast really should be bigger than they are. Who wouldn't like this? Atmospheric pop tunes that sound like they're soundtracking a French movie musical. Finally, someone combined the best parts of Warp Records and Umbrellas of Cherbourg.

41. Iron & Wine, The Creek Drank the Cradle, 2002
I met Sam Beam at a show once. After his no-shit jaw-dropping solo opening slot, he worked the merchandise table. I bought this record and complimented him on his set. He thanked me and we chatted. He said he was taking a leave of absence from being a film professor to do this tour. He was one of the nicest people I've ever met. A couple hours later, while my friends and I were leaving the show, he was still at the merch table, talking to some other new fan. At the door, I turned, waved, and said "Bye, Sam. Great show," and he actually replied, "Thanks, Mike." That's right, this record is so pretty and awesome that I felt I could waste all those words not talking about it. That's how good it is.

40. The Microphones, The Glow, Pt. 2
Imagine if folk music had thunderous drums. Then throw in stand-up pianos, bowed bass, harmoniums, and an obsession with nature, and you might be able to imagine what the Microphones are like. Maybe.

39. TV on the Radio, Dear Science, 2008
Okay, we're into the 30s now. I'm hoping for the writing equivalent of a runner's high, but it's not coming. I once described TV on the Radio as if Radiohead were American and black, but that does nothing to describe them. Punk-like, prog-like, soulful, gorgeous, and dissonant. They are the sound of a blend of many forms of underground music from the past 30 years, and this is their best record to date.

38. Broken Social Scene, You Forgot It in People, 2002
Get as many good musicians together as possible, put them in a studio, and see if you can keep topping each other. This record is so varied, it sounds like a mix tape. Songs range from straight up indie rock, sunny instrumentals, bedroom confessionals, and epic love songs to accompany John Cusak running to his girlfriend's house in the rain. Very great.

37. Animal Collective, Merriweather Post Pavilion, 2009
I saw Animal Collective back in 2002 at the Warehouse Next Door, and I hated them. I'm all for noise and weird stuff, but this seemed just like super-high dudes not even trying to play together or in any sort of order. They've spent the better part of this decade proving me wrong, and MPP is the highlight of their output.

36. The Flaming Lips, Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, 2002
It's hard to follow up what many people think is a masterpiece, but the Lips do a pretty outstanding job here: expanding towards an electronic sort of psychedelic rock, but still with incredibly good songs at the core. I used to sing the title track to classes of two- and three-year olds. No shit.

35. Björk, Vespertine, 2001
By the time Björk put this record out, I was certainly taking her for granted. I remember talking to a friend about this record and saying something like, "Yeah, it's awesome and all; it just didn't change my life like her other records did." What a dick I was. Ms. Guðmundsdóttir had set such a ridiculously high bar in my mind that nothing short of her inventing a new kind of music would do. But looking back, this record is amazing. The beats are subtle and a little glitchy, the string arrangements are great, Björk sings as beautifully as she ever has, and Oh!Shit! those bells on "Frosti"!

34. Saturday Looks Good to Me, All Your Summer Songs, 2003
The most aptly titled record on the list. Fred Thomas and his revolving cavalcade of band members settle in and craft a perfect pop record. It's all here: sun-drenched Brian Wilson-isms, some Motown rhythm, and sad and lovely love songs. Sounds great in the middle of winter, too.

33. The New Pornographers, Mass Romantic, 2000
Canadian indie supergroup blitzing through song after song of near pop perfection. One of the best things in the world is when Neko Case sings a Carl Newman song, and this record has three of the best examples of that. And Destroyer shows up with his most accessible and awesome songs yet.

32. The Organ, Grab That Gun, 2004
I admit I have a penchant for lesbians singing sad love songs, but this is still a fucking awesome record. There's an urgency here, a desperation to the singing that's punctuated by shimmering guitar parts and dour keyboard lines. Cathartic.

31. The Grates, Gravity Won't Get You High, 2006
Some motherfuckers think they're born to dance. And some motherfuckers make records that sound like three people in a room having the most fun ever. You know you're really good when such good, catchy tunes sound tossed off and nonchalant. Oh, this amazing song you keep singing to yourself? Yeah, we wrote that in about a minute. It just came out perfect. Hey, let's go grab a burrito.

30. Thao with The Get Down Stay Down, Know Better Learn Faster, 2009
I've only had this record for two months and it still is this high on the list. That's how much I love it. The chanting singalong opener leads into some of the best folk-based rock-pop around. They then get downright beautiful on "Oh. No." Thao whispers near the end of the record that "sad people dance, too." If they don't, they should put this record on, and start.

29. Steven Malkmus & The Jicks, Steven Malkmus, 2001
I really don't know how Pavement fans feel about this record, or about the Jicks in general. But this is, from start to finish, a terrific record. Malkmus still has the clever wordplay and sense of humor, but the songs sound more accessible, more focused. Whatever the reaction, this record is brilliant.

28. Radiohead, In Rainbows, 2007
Am I almost done yet? Fuck. I can't possibly write anything novel about Radiohead. They make great songs, their records are impeccably produced and sequenced, and they practically gave this record away. They are the best, and they'll be more from them later in this list.

27. Built to Spill, Ancient Melodies of the Future, 2001
What I love about Built to Spill is that even though they're technically masterful musicians, their extended jams or weird time signatures don't come off as showy or wankery, but serve the song they're playing at the time. Here, they try to get streamlined and produce a fantastic record.

26. Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy, Ease Down the Road, 2001
Another record on this list that is the follow up to a heralded 90s classic. Will Oldham recovers from the omnipresent doom of I See A Darkness to make a sort-of hopeful record filled with resignation, occasional joy, and really dark love songs. Just beautiful.

25. Q and Not U, Different Damage, 2002; X-Polynation/Book of Flags, 2003
This was the part of Q and Not U's history after they'd kicked out the bassist and before they went to Brooklyn to make that bad record (and then broke up.) But here, for about 18 months, they had it down: fantastic beats, squealing guitar spazzing, and dual shout-singers cryptically braying for you to dance to revolt. They are missed sorely.

24. The Gerbils, The Battle of Electricity, 2001
A record of weird and wonderful pop songs. I also met Scott Spillane at a show. He seemed freaked out that I was a fan of his band. He also had the longest beard I had ever seen. I'll stop writing about musicians I've met now.

23. Liars, They Threw Us All in a Trench and Stuck a Monument on Top, 2002
God, the drums! So spastic and aggressive -- even the drum machine beats seem vaguely threatening. This sounds like the soundtrack to a riot, but a riot where the participants know they have nothing to win and are just trashing shit to get out the anger.

22. Mirah, You Think It’s Like This But Really It’s Like This, 2000
It's difficult for me to write about Mirah without gushing, but I will try. This record is simple, really: a beautiful voice, wonderfully crafted songs, and flawless lo-fi production. More on Mirah later.

21. The Mountain Goats, All Hail West Texas, 2002
John Darnielle writes best when he writes fiction, and this record may just be his "White Noise." Characters beaten and bruised (some by their own bad choices; some by the forces around them) trying to connect with anyone out there in this world. Possibly the best opening song of a record ever. Hail Satan, indeed!

20. Beirut, The Flying Club Cup, 2007
Zach Condon shows some serious songwriting chops on this, his second record. His vagabond marching band follows him to Paris and produces an incredible record filled with regret, longing, and joy. Worth the price of the record alone for the final movement of "Cherbourg."

19. Elliott Smith, Figure 8, 2000
Elliott in full-on Beatles mode, making a record as vital, heartbreaking, and awesome as any of his Kill Rock Stars albums. Don't let the polished studio sound keep you from listening to some incredibly crafted and performed pop tunes. Tasty.

18. The Microphones, It Was Hot, We Stayed in the Water, 2000
I really admire Phil Elvrum's attention to detail: the sway-like guitar panning, the super soft voices, and the drums -- big, heavy, awesome drums. Songs fade and change abruptly and merge into each other. Motifs or patterns from one song show up again later, creating this kind of insular world. All of that, and a lot of terrific pop tunes.

17. The Shins, Oh, Inverted World, 2001
I thought the Shins had it down cold, what with all that hazy atmosphere and gorgeous songs that sound like an updated Donovan. I thought they were on the way to make The Record. But regardless of my expectations, they made one of the best records of this or any other decade.

16. Godspeed You! Black Emperor, Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven, 2000
In the epic, medieval battle I play out in my mind, this is the soundtrack, a record that seems to have been made specifically to score a revolution. It's all brass build-ups to mountainous crescendos and it makes me want to go protest some shit. Math is wrong!

15. LCD Soundsystem, Sound of Silver, 2007
James Murphy gets kind of serious (for a little bit) and still cranks out a fantastic record, proving that you can still dance to songs about mortality and loss.

14. Summer Hymns, Voice Brother and Sister, 2000
Maybe the most evocative record on the list. I can't listen to this without feeling like an old man sitting on a porch, looking over the tall grass of a rural, Southern field, the vengeful summer sun just starting it's early evening decent. Majestic.

13. The Arcade Fire, Funeral, 2004
Surrounded by death and hamstrung by grief. What would you do? Would you turn inward and pity yourself for your loss, or would you get your friends together to laugh and cry and sing, because you're still here and you're going to shout about how great it is to be alive while you still can? Me, I'd probably do the former. Just one of many reasons why I am not the Arcade Fire.

12. Spoon, Kill the Moonlight, 2002
When some bands mature, they start adding orchestras and unnecessary instrumentation to sound bigger. Spoon actually got leaner and tighter as they went on, and this record is them at peak restraint. They learned when to pounce and when to let an echo fill in the space. It sounds perfect.

11. Jay-Z/Danger Mouse, The Grey Album, 2004
Stephen Colbert joked a while ago that the song "Birthday Sex" was a hit simply because whoever wrote it just took two things that everybody likes and put them together. That's exactly what The Grey Album is for me. I admit that I probably would've loved it even if Danger Mouse had simply mashed these two great records together, but what he does is so much better: mixing and warping the Beatles' into the perfect musical playground for Jigga to let loose.

10. Sigur Rós, Ágætis Byrjun, 2000
Orchestral post-rock with sonar blips that sound underwater and from outer space at the same time. Proof that words don't matter. The language of alien angel babies. Like nothing I had ever heard before. Gorgeous.

9. Wolf Parade, Apologies to the Queen Mary, 2005
Beautiful pop songs with killer melodies buried under thunderous drums, frantic guitars, and squealing synthesizers. They create beauty from what seems to be noise and chaos, with expertly crafted songs underneath all that spastic energy.

8. Mirah, Advisory Committee, 2001
It starts with a widescreen epic western and closes with an acoustic folk anthem. In between, it takes you wherever her imagination damn well pleases: dance beats, lovelorn lyrics, pop perfection, and a torch song. Blissful.

7. Portastatic, Summer of the Shark, 2003
Side projects shouldn't be this good, but every song here is awesome. Written in the wake of September 11, 2001, Summer of the Shark is both fearful and poignant, expressing things that only a tragedy can release, set to some of the best pop-rock songs around.

6. Radiohead, Kid A, 2000
If OK Computer feared a world overcome by technology, Kid A actually lives in that dystopic nightmare world of isolation, blinding lights, and desolate landscapes. It sounds cold, with Thom Yorke's voice often computerized and manipulated. He begs to be alone, to escape. But by the end, he's resigned. We can't run or hide because there's nowhere to go. This is what we've become.

5. Panda Bear, Person Pitch, 2007
Panda Bear buys a sampler and starts fucking with his record collection. The DJ as Phil Spector or Brian Wilson. Just beautiful.

4. LCD Soundsystem, LCD Soundsystem, 2005
Disco made by a punk kid. A fat guy in a t-shirt doing all the singing. The world's best hipster-baiting, Daft Punk-worshiping dance party. A record that makes me wish I could dance.

3. Avalanches, Since I Left You, 2001
Four Australian DJs take every kind of sound recording ever pressed onto vinyl to create a parallel dimension that occasionally sounds like "The Love Boat," but in the best possible way.

2. Fugazi, The Argument, 2001
The last word from the best thing out of D.C. since Duke Ellington. Fugazi, how come when we needed you the most this past decade, there are only one set of footprints?

1. Radiohead, Amnesiac, 2001
A song cycle questioning whether death is preferable to the pain of life. A fractured, frightening, and beautiful record. John Darnielle wrote about this record eight years ago. There's no way I could put it any better, so I won't try.

Well, that was extraordinarily difficult, and way not worth the effort. I wanted to put album cover art with each listing, but I wanted more to get this over with.

Movie Reviews! - Mayans Are Dicks Edition

I recently joined NetFlix. This shit is on!

Gates of Heaven and Fast, Cheap, and Out of Control – Errol Morris is one of my favorite directors. I have seen and loved almost all of his movies, although I refuse to watch his only non-documentary, Dark Wind, because it stars Lou Diamond Phillips (LDP!) and because it’s called Dark Wind. I’d sooner watch a Dogma 95 film called Dutch Oven. But I’d somehow never seen Gates of Heaven or Fast, Cheap, and Out of Control until a few days ago. His storytelling is so unfuckwithable. He finds great characters with fascinating stories, he never makes fun of them or appears to judge them, and his style of having the people look directly at the camera is so affecting. He’s great and these movies are funny, touching, and amazing.

LDP tangent: I have a friend who’s a doctor; let’s call him Schmarvin. A few years back, Schmarvin’s younger brother went through some difficult times and moved briefly away (I believe to Houston). So, to try to get Lil’ Bro to come back to the family, Schmarvin flew to Houston (?) to find Lil’ Bro and have a serious showcase bro-down. Before going to find his brother, I hung out with Schmarvin and joked that his situation was not unlike the plot of some shitty movie. When Schmarvin asked what actor would play his part, I answered immediately: Lou Diamond Phillips! For that reason, LDP will always have a place in my heart. That, and I loved Young Guns II.

Star Trek – When’s J.J. Abrams going to be able to make a movie of his own? His first was Mission: Impossible III, which was fine, and now this one, which is also fine, but is he ever going to get to make a movie that isn’t trying to invigorate a dying franchise? I’ve never been a big Trek fan, aside from the years in high school when I watched "The Next Generation" every Saturday night (I’ve always been a magnet for pussy), but this was a pretty good space action-y thing with a bunch young, pretty people. I call bullshit on the time travel stuff, though. You can suspend disbelief for most of it, but when they start explaining that future Spock opened a black hole after accidently destroying a whole planet, you start thinking, “I think this whole thing is bullshit,” and you just wait for the next space battle. Also, when will wormholes stopped being used in sci-fi stories as the go-to explanation for everything? Answer: Never!

Milk – Sean Penn acts his dick off in this movie. And speaking of dicks, why will you see more cock in the films of Judd Apatow than in a movie about gay dudes that have gay sex with lots of dicks? I'm not advocating more dicks on screen, but it's weird that it's okay to show dicks as jokes but not as sex-making objects, right? Anyway, really good story, awesome actors all around, and Gus Van Sant doing his nice-guy, mainstream, Finding Forrester shtick. Good times.

Gangs of New York – I'm in the bag for Marty Scorsese, but I had avoided this movie when it came out seven years ago for several reasons. First, when a director describes a movie as his "passion project," run the fuck the other way, fast. Passion projects mean that it’s something the filmmaker wants so badly to make, they lose all subjectivity and self-analysis, and end up making unwatchable, overly long, and very personal pieces of shit. Second, I was still mad at DiCaprio for Titanic. I’ve since gotten over it. Thirdly, a year before the movie came out, I read a huge feature story in GQ or Vanity Fair or some other upscale, bullshit magazine that went behind-the-scenes of this production. The article detailed Scorsese going over budget and filming in Italy to get that mid-19th century look, how Harvey Weinstein was up his ass to get the movie in on time and on budget and how that never happened, and other problems of the production. The descriptions from the article made the movie sound awful.

But I knew I'd come back to it someday, and I'm glad I did. Aside from some terrible CGI and some awful wigs, it’s a really good movie. It stumbles a bit as it tries to introduce everyone and get the story rolling, but when it does get going, it moves well. DiCaprio is good, Cameron Diaz is surprisingly good, Daniel Day-Lewis is great, and Brendan Gleeson is fucking awesome. Scorsese does this odd perspective thing a few times where characters look directly into the camera as if they’re looking at another character. But then their eye line moves to the right, and the person they were supposed to be looking at enters the frame. It’s beautiful and disconcerting at the same time. I also liked the Civil War subplot and the gang war finale being interrupted by the larger city riots and military quash of those riots. Marty’s the man. I'll never doubt him again, but I still won't watch Bringing Out the Dead. Fuck Nic Cage, man. Just fuuuuck Nic Cage.

Sex Drive – I watched this because it had Clark from “Clark and Michael.” It also had boobs and an Amish Seth Green. Hilarious, right? It also had one of my top 5, all-time teens gain access to a car then cut to montage of them driving while a catchy rock song blasts moments (in this case, the song was MGMT’s “Time to Pretend”). Great driving montages, but if it took more than $65 to make this movie, they got robbed.

2012 – Mayans are assholes. Does anyone else think that their calendar ends in 2012 because that’s as high as these small, dickheaded people could count? Also, John Cusack and Amanda Peet outrun earthquakes. I won’t see this movie.

If You Only Hear One 40 Minute Clip of Stage Banter This Year...

...make it Fugazi (click here, clip is at the bottom). Oh man. I love how they unabashedly took on pretty much every type of asshole there ever was.

Some choice quotes:

"Why 'Fuck me'?"

"What's wrong? Why are you giving me the finger? Well..let's talk about it."

"Did anyone read Scientific American last month?"

"To the person that will go turn the air conditioning off, we will give you $10."

"Sir, did you spit? 'Cause you look like the guy who might've spit."

"We don't provide a soundtrack for violence."

"I'm 40 years old and yet I still have to treat 27 year olds like little fucking children. Start acting your ages, you little babies."