Fergie Ferg Channels Hip-Hop's Greatest On "The Dutchess"

That's what I might be saying if I was blinder and deafer than Helen Keller. Unfortunately, this is not the case. I recently came across a review of Miss Fergie's "The Dutchess" in the Washington Post which highlighted some of the album's more... how shall I say... sucky lyrics.

Let's examine:
(Disclaimer: I have not listened to this album, even though there is a Ludacris cameo [Oh man, I love me some Ludacris]. Perhaps if I did listen, I too would be dancing like a ho and maybe my London Bridge would also wanna go down. Sadly, that can't be allowed to happen.)

From "Glamorous"
"we flying the first class/ Up in the sky Poppin’ champagne/ Livin’ the life in the fast lane/ And I won't change/ For the glamorous, oh the flossy flossy"

"still go to Taco Bell/ drive-thru/ raw as Hell/ I don't care, I'm still real/"

It's fascinating how some celebrities, after attaining a certain amount of fame and popularity, have to stress the notion that money hasn't changed them, they're still the same, I've paid my dues, I'm a commoner just like the rest of you peons, I'm as real as ever, I'm Jenny from the block, etc. However, money indeed changes everything. I thought that was the whole point of pursuing fame.

Note the irony: consuming fake meat at Taco Bell makes one more real.

From "Fergalicious"
"Four, Tres, Two, Uno/"

Um...did she not know the Spanish words for 'four' and 'two'?

"My body stay vicious/ I be up in the gym/ just working on my fitness/"

Tee hee. This one just makes me giggle.

From "Pedestal"
Record sales are on the mark/ Cuz thats about the time the rumors start/ Where all the people talking out their ass/ Well, someone gotta school ya cause ya got no class/ Well I've paid my dues/ I'm a seasoned dame/ So why you gotta throw salt in my game/ You hide behind the computer screen/ so that you dont have to be seen/ How could a person be so mean"

Wow. Either she's clairvoyant and knew I'd be busting on her via the Internet or she's making a pre-emptive strike against all people who might and will give her shit for making this album. FYI, I'm being mean because your music makes me want to throw furniture.

From "Here I Come"
"I represent los angeles city/ Hacienda Heights is the vicinity/ old school homies still rollin with me/ money don't change me/

From "London Bridge"
"When I come to the club, step aside/ Part the seas, don’t be havin' me in the line/ V.I.P., ‘cause you know I gotta shine/ I’m Fergie Ferg, and me love you long time/"

Wait back it up, easy back it up, Fergie. In other poorly written songs of yours, you claim that you hadn't changed for the glamorous, that money doesn't change you, that you eat at Taco Bell and that you're still the same. Now all of a sudden you don't have to wait in line at clubs cuz you're a V.I.P.? Tsk Tsk.

All that Fergie bashing being said, I really have nothing against her. I don't claim to know her on any level whatsoever. I'm sure she's an upstanding citizen. She just happens to be one example of a much larger problem plaguing this nation: commercial hip-hop.

At least she can always take solace in the fact that she is a very pretty lady. From the neck down.

Twenty-Five Million Reasons to Live

There are good ways to market oneself, and there are bad. Let us review briefly two recent examples of both.

The Good – Create interesting, humorous, and cool-looking art. Place art in unexpected, creative places. Make fun of your own medium and the establishments that surround it.

Celebrities pay a lot for your art.

The Bad – Create disharmony amongst your co-workers, forcing your employer to terminate your contract, even though you’re pretty good at your job. Do sit-ups and press conferences outside your South Jersey McMansion. Pull that age-old prank where your publicist claims you attempted suicide.

Still no one buys your autobiography.

Thank You, Keith Olbermann

If you have not seen or read Keith Olbermann’s ten-minute monologue to close last night’s episode of MSNBC’s “Countdown,” please read the text or watch the segment here.

Thank you, Keith Olbermann.

What The Hell Is This Trash?

Before we can know what we're gonna do with all this trash, we have to be able to define and identify this trash. Can we objectively qualify and rate pop culture? We don't want to throw away 'diamonds in the rough' and worship false idols. We have to explain why some pieces of trash enjoy successful (albeit disgraceful) careers while some pieces of gold never receive their just due. Are popularity and artistic integrity negatively correlated? Is there a link between creative genius and mental illness or instability?


I'm not sure if we will ever answer these questions or find the proper place for the trash, but I do know that a lot of famous people will be ridiculed as we search for solutions (if for no other reason than to make them appreciate those solid gold bathtubs).

Wow, A New Blog! Is It About Waste Disposal?

The trash metaphor we are ever-so-cleverly using up there in the title refers to the apparent vacuousness of American popular culture: humiliating reality television, celebrity news programs, kitchen appliance companies selling music/film/art, game shows where idiots scream at suitcases filled with money, etc.

This website will focus on these and the many other elements that comprise this particular white noise. But instead of dismissing pop culture as meaningless, thoughtless escapism, we intend on examining it's meaning, finding its patterns, assessing its political context, and disseminating how this affects us all.

Is Paris Hilton simply an example of "famous for being famous" without any sense of irony, or does she provide a greater example of a generation raised to value consumption and materialistic obsession as virtue?

We intend to find out.

(The paragraph above is just an example of the kind of social commentary we plan to provide. We probably won't actually get around to talking about Ms. Hilton.)