Long before Irish-Americans were able to carve out their own little slice of white privilege in the U.S., the Irish were largely considered to be hyper-sexual, criminal apes incapable of exhibiting any type of impulse control, strong work ethic, or money management (hmm, these stereotypes sure sound familiar) when compared to the more "mainstream" European immigrants who came to America. But boy, the Irish have written the shit out of some books!
So in honor of St. Patrick's Day and Irish word-smithing, I present this short list of some terms that are made more or less awesome by putting the word "Irish" at the beginning:
Irish curtains = spiderwebs, cobwebs (personal aside: my old boss Rich refers to his dust-bunnies and cobwebs as Irish curtains)
Irish hint = a threat
Irish ambulance/chariot = a wheelbarrow
Irish dividend = breaking even
Irish coat of arms = a black eye and a bloody nose
Irish confetti = rocks and stones
Irish promotion = a demotion
Irish clubhouse = prison
Irish cocktail = a spiked drink
Irish parliament = a large group of people where everyone is talking, and no one is listening (note: I'm not sure this isn't true of all parliament/government anymore, regardless of ethnic qualifier.)
Irish goodbye = a farewell that dispenses with all of the usual social conventions surrounding 'saying goodbye'--formal pleasantries such as handshakes, eye contact, 'hey, see you later', things of this nature.
This last one is my personal favorite--and I think we all have had some experience with what is being described here. This phenomenon probably stems from the heroic desire to avoid any social awkwardness associated with real life stuff (death, family, poverty, saying goodnight/goodbye, etc)
On that note, I think I'll be sneakily inching toward the side door..
Well not exactly. They're more like a few bits of perspective on some miscellaneous entertainment that has piqued my interest/curiosity/disdain lately:
"I Was A Lover", TV On The Radio - This is perhaps my fave song of the minute and definitely my favorite TVOTR song. And yeah, it is almost 4 yrs old now, which in these hustle-y bustle-y times means it's really about 20 yrs old, but it is so infectious and invigorating (and coyly political) that it is now my go-to wake up song during my 5 minute morning commute to work.
jj No 3, jj - Another dreamy and pleasantly confusing pop record from good old reliable Sweden. I'm still amazed at how this duo manages to sound simultaneously both melancholy and joyous.
Plastic Beach, Gorillaz - Damon Albarn has had a pretty interesting music career. He could have easily faded out and become like Britpop assholes of the '90s and early '00s such as Noel & Liam Gallagher and Pete Doherty, but instead he's been able to consistently reinvent himself post-Blur (i.e. Mali Music, his work with the Gorillaz). And he has collaborated with such a wide range of musicians from all over the musical spectrum. Anyway, I have a lot of respect for the guy as an artist--which is saying a lot since I never want to hear "Song 2" again. Ever. Plastic Beach is another example of Mr. Albarn reinventing his sound yet again--it's a lot to digest and very ambitious. The guest artist list is dizzying and kinda hit-or-miss. Bobby Womack (!), Lou Reed, Mick Jones, and Little Dragon make intriguing contributions, but what is Snoop Dogg doing here? And sadly, Mos Def and De La Soul don't seem to be at their best--the hip-hop elements don't really work as well here as on previous Gorillaz albums. My initial thought is that Demon Days is still their best record.
Journal Of Ardency [EP], Class Actress - Female vocalist. Up-beat. 80s-sounding synths. Nuff said. [Side note: Yes, I found out about them on Pitchfork. No, I don't wear skinny jeans or appreciate the scenery more than the substance.]
White Collar Crime, Phaseone - St. Louis producer's new mixtape featuring a remix of Radiohead's "Videotape", and other remixes from artists such as Burial, Bon Iver, Panda Bear, and more. And hey, he's letting us take both of his 'collections' (White Collar Crime, Thanks But No Thanks) for free! Click here
The Inception trailer - Holy shit this makes me giddy. Leo and Christopher Nolan teaming up ought to make for a compelling film. Nolan is widely recognized as a great director, but I still think he's underrated. Hope this movie proves me right. (Sorry Mike, looks like Ellen Page from Juno is in there.)
Secondhand Sureshots - This mini-documentary has a pretty cool premise: four California-based producers are tasked with going into local thrift stores to purchase five records (with a $5 spending limit) from which they will pull, edit, and mix together samples to create an entirely new piece of music--no drum machines or any other instrumentation allowed, samplers only. I think you can watch several previews on Vimeo (here are some clips)--but it's actually so good it prompted me to buy the DVD. There's a great scene where each guy is in a different thrift store, and they each independently comment about how in every single thrift store across America, you will always find dozens upon dozens of Barbra Streisand records. The music they each come up with from the records is really pretty amazing, too.
Happy Daylight Savings! (Sunday @ 2am) - But it may kill you, according to this disheartening LA Times article.
Remember Me - Caution: going into rant mode now, page breaks and syntax be damned. So uh, I'm not sure if you've heard all the buzz surrounding the controversial ending to this family/relationship melodrama starring Robert Pattinson and Emilie de Ravin, but it is fucking God awful--let me repeat, it is fucking God shit awful. It may rival Birth of a Nation in terms of exploitation--not in terms of race-fail, but just in sheer, overall wrongness. Here, let me SPOIL it for you: Robert Pattinson's brooding trouble-magnet character has a fight with his girl, Emilie de Ravin's brooding trouble-magnet character, and he retreats to his father's office, located on the upper floor of...wait for it (and get your barf bags ready)...the World Trade Center! And then guess what happens? Oh you're gonna love this: he witnesses a plane fly right into the building. Surprise! It's fucking 9/11... IT. IS. MOTHERFUCKING. 9/11!!!!!! I cannot overstate how hard it has been to type these last few sentences. To think that some douchebag screenwriter (Will Fetters according to IMDB--this appears to be his only work) and director (Allen Fetters who gasp!--directed an episode of "The X-Files" and 3 episodes of "Millennium"--his only other movie credit appears to be "Hollywoodland") are going to rake in millions of $$$ on the blood, death, and continued emotional suffering of thousands of victims and their family members is just sickening. Not to mention the millions of New York City residents who witnessed this devastating tragedy on that fateful day and its emotional and physical aftershocks. Look, I'm not saying that films can't take on huge national tragedies, wars, etc. But this movie doesn't have shit to do with 9/11--this ending was added solely for shock (schlock?) value. A simple, fatal car accident could have easily conveyed the 'frailty of life' and 'appreciate the time we have' theme that the movie was apparently going for. And here I thought Shutter Island had a terrible ending. Alright enough, I've already wasted too much time on this tripe and I don't want to think about this anymore.
That Liberty Mutual 'random acts of kindness' ad on TV - So, while I was basking in the bad mood brought on by Remember Me, I happened to see that Liberty Mutual commercial where a person witnesses someone doing something nice for a stranger (holding the elevator door, letting a car pull in/merge ahead of you in traffic, etc), which then leads that initial eyewitness to perform another kind act later in the day. You've seen that, right?
Well, I was thinking it'd be funny if we had the flip-side of this scenario: Person A sees someone else doing something shady or despicable, and then Person A escalates and continues this shady behavior later in the day. It could start off relatively innocuous, like giving the finger to that person who cut you off, and then end up with people tripping old ladies and kicking homeless people. It would still have the same uplifting, flute-y music, but it would be an ad for a pepper spray manufacturer or something (actually, keeping it as an insurance co ad would probably still work). Ahem, perhaps this would be an awesome project for a local, short-film maker, you know, if he's open to these sorts of ideas from his non-filmmaking friends. Get in touch with my agent and we can hammer out a deal. Although, I guess that's a lot of work for just a 30-60 second fake TV spot. Moving on.
Das Racist - A hilarious (at least I think so) rap duo featuring what I believe to be the first Indian emcee, please correct me if I'm wrong. It's interesting because they do send-ups of lots of the tired old hip-hop conventions in their songs and videos. And they also do a lot of literary, cultural, and indie music name-dropping--Mike: if you were looking for a Jeff Mangum reference in a hip-hop song--"catch me in the crib getting light to Jeff Mangum" (from "Rainbow in the Dark"). Their jokey mannerisms belie some pretty deep (and sometimes hidden) subject matter in their lyrics. Here is their Myspace page and an embedded video:
Blow - Drug movies* have three subgenres, all of which I hate**: the kingpin story (Scarface, King of New York), the addict story (Requiem for a Dream, The Basketball Diaries, Candy), and the undercover cop that gets too close story (Rush, Deep Cover). Sometimes, a filmmaker will try to mash them all up into one movie, like with New Jack City, American Gangster, or Traffic. I hate these kinds of movies because they are all moralizing and seem to follow the same plot outline, which varies depending on the subgenre. The addict story always has a group of friends that take drugs, and everything's amazing and they're young and hot. But then they start taking too many drugs, and then they sell things or rob shit to make money for the drugs. Their friendship circle cracks under the weight of all those drugs. Somebody shows somebody else a gun. They become decidedly less hot. They then encounter some terrible fate as a result of drugs. Somebody probably dies, or loses their arm. If there is a female character, she will inevitably resort to prostitution to pay for her habit. (The funniest example of this is in Traffic, where the politician's daughter starts tricking a week -- a fuckin' WEEK! -- after first smoking crack. Boy, that shit works faaast. Drugs = bad for you, I get it.
Blow is a kingpin movie, and it follows many of the tropes of its kind. Kid grows up poor; becomes small time dealer; moves huge amounts of pure Columbian candy; money, ladies, parties; a friend betrays his trust; cops bust, wash, repeat; guy misses his daughter while in jail. Yawn, snort, sniff. * This shouldn't be confused as any movie that has drugs in it. The Big Lebowski, for example, is not a drug movie because drugs aren't central to the story; it just so happens that some of the characters do drugs. This also doesn't include stoner films because who cares about stoner films?
** The only exception to this is Trainspotting, because Trainspotting does not moralize or preach; it acknowledges the judgment and hypocrisy of drug demonizing, and it subverts its genre formula by showing us life after addiction.
"Human Giant," Season 1 - I will forever be sorry for missing "Human Giant" while it was on the air. However, even when I had cable, I had long ago sworn off anything associated with the lifestyle network that is MTV, so I can clearly see how this would happen. Something awesome is viewable only on the channel that you never watch. It would be like if Patton Oswalt had his own show on Fox News. I would love that show, and I would never watch that show. That is, until it came out on DVD. Thank you, DVD. "Human Giant" is awesomely funny sketch comedy. What's up, NetFlix? Why no Season 2 in your library?
The September Issue - A year in the life of Vanity Fair magazine as it prepares its annual big issue. Kind of compelling to see just how much talent and work goes into making an issue of this fashion magazine. Kind of depressing when you realize how much talent and work goes into making a fashion magazine. Well made and thoroughly watchable.
The Ugly Truth - The lead from 300 and the chick from Knocked Up make a romantic comedy. I'd write more, but I stopped watching after 15 minutes. Do you know how bad a movie has to be for me not to finish watching it? I've seen 27 Dresses two times. I willingly paid money on separate occasions to see Miss Congeniality and Legally Blonde. I once drove an hour and a half to see a drive-in double feature of The Princess Diaries and Scary Movie 2. That's how indescribably bad The Ugly Truth is.
A Serious Man - I really kind of loved this movie, but I have no idea why. A Midwestern Jewish guy has a series of bad days, gets bad advice from and is ignored by a series of rabbis, then the movie ends just before a natural disaster is set to tear up his town. The acting is great, and it is beautifully shot. But I can't quite place what it was that I like so much about it.
Punch Drunk Love - After Magnolia, I had sworn off the films of Paul Thomas Anderson. I hated it so completely and so intensely that I promised myself never to see anything else he shat onto the silver screen, even though I had thoroughly enjoyed Hard Eight and Boogie Nights. Then I saw There Will Be Blood, loved it, and decided to give his work a second chance. This is a weirdly uneven movie that seems to not know what kind of movie it's trying to be. Its tone and pacing is that of a dramatic art film, but it has these bursts of manic comedy and aspirations to be romantic. It's all over the place and not in a good way, but I love Emily Watson, and I could watch her all day, and Adam Sandler handles the dramatic/lonely man stuff well. It's an okay movie. But Magnolia is still a piece of shit.
Tyson - At times frustrating and fascinating, this documentary seems to gloss over things like rape as "mistakes," or, as I like to call them, "rapestakes." Don'tcha just hate it when you rapestakenly call out the wrong name in bed? How embarrassing! The movie regularly employs audio editing and shot tricks that cast its subject as a schizophrenic. Rapestakes!
Of all the things I don't like, people glorifying the past so they can trash today has got to be at the top of that list. So forgive me this trespass: What's happened to us?
It's 2010, people. We should have jetpacks and laser beam soda can openers and be able to float around cities thanks to all the energy-efficient superconductivity. We should be excavating the moon looking for huge black monoliths. James Cameron should be a laughingstock.
But here we are, hopelessly stuck travelling on the ground, arguing about whether or not gay people should have the same rights as the straight people, debating the socialistic tendencies of giving health care coverage to people that need it, and watching the most expensive set of dangling car keys ever. Shit, just two weeks ago, the fucking Supreme Court ruled that corporations can contribute however much they want for political candidates. Fuck the what!? Where are we?
I'm perfectly willing to accept that this is the way it's always been, and it's just now that I'm realizing it, but living in America in 2010 is a lot like being in an elementary school classroom where all the dumb kids are preventing the rest of us from progressing.
We should be coming up with radical new sources of energy. But oil companies would suffer, so we don't. We should be looking out for every citizen, and if they lose their job, at least they won't lose their house trying to pay for their kid's leukemia surgery. But insurance companies would go under, so we don't. We should promote cooperation with foreign countries to help solve the world's problems together. But Haliburton said fuck that, let's make some moneeeeey!
At what point in this country did companies and politicians convince the people that they would be best served by voting against their own interests? At what point did high-minded debate get substituted for fear mongering and socialism-baiting? Have we been an oligarchy the entire time, but just wrapped in a democratic candy coating? Have we had this ruling class trying to prevent "others" (Irish, blacks, gays, etc.) from the same freedoms as everyone else the whole time?
Maybe this is how it's always been. Maybe I've just been too naive to notice.
