Shamelessly Promoting Ourselves

Hey there, friends.
Have you ever wondered what unemployed dudes do while you're out there, ya know, all employed and shit? They make movies about how working blows and some other metaphorical crap. Enjoy.

What Are We Gonna Do With All These Guns?

Gun maker, Gun maker
Make me a gun
'Shooting off at the mouth'
Isn't half as much fun
Gun maker, Gun maker
Look through your book
And make me a perfect gun

Gun maker, Gun maker
Just because you're law abiding
Doesn't mean you're not crazy
(And all of us are)
Put a gun in your hand
and become a star

Guns don't kill people
It's all the bullshit
Crammed down our throats
from the gun lobby's pulpit
Can you be pro-life and pro-gun
At the same time?
Kind of reminds me
Of the garrulous mime

Gun maker, Gun maker
It's not a secret
You've got limitless funds in your pocket
Gun control debates
Mysteriously vanish from the docket

Gun maker, Gun maker
Absolved from the crime
Your deal with the government
Has bought you some time
Riches in this life
Hell to pay in the next
Millions of lost souls
Are understandably vexed

Gun maker, Gun maker
"We have the right to bear arms"
How loud must you scream?
To drown out the sounds
Of yet another shattered dream

What Are We Gonna Do With All These Babies?

We are proud to introduce you to Andrew and Matthew, the brand-spanking new identical twins of dear friends Ben and Bissy. Andy (on the left) came out a bit heavier than Matt, so obviously I’ve taken a special liking to him, but they are both incredibly awesome and adorable. Welcome, boys. We excitedly await your first blog posts...

This Is Not An Ethnocentric Diatribe

So, one of my many adventures landed my wife and I in the streets of Paris, France. As we were walking around, wondering how we got there (my wife used Travelocity), I came to the realization that the American attitude and the French attitude are not a bit congruent. Sure, Americans are rude, loud, ignorant, know-it-all, cowboy colonists, but sheesh.. Allow me to explain, whenever I was in a restaurant and asked for 'French' dressing for my salad (une salade en Francais; that extra 'E' aint' foolin me, Frenchie!), the waiter invariably slapped me clear across the face. Some slaps were of the 'pimp' variety, others were not. Asking for 'French' dressing for my French Fries resulted in an even larger amount of slaps. It got so bad that my wife started slapping me across the face for ordering 'French' dressing (you know that saying "When in Rome..."; I don't really care for it, plus Paris is nowhere near Rome). At restaurants here, I can get all the 'French' dressing I desire, sans slaps. Apparently, there was a huge war (the bloody and drawn-out "Guerre Du Salade") and the French waiters are still quite a bit bitter about all the casualties.

Anyway, I got slapped so many times, I started thinking about the disconnect I was noticing between art and culture. Here I was in Gay Paree, a place known for being incredibly artistic: the Louvre, the beautiful architecture, the literature, the fashion, Monet, Manet, Jacques Cousteau, and Sophie Marceau. But culturally, the people (notably the waiters, with all the wanton slapping) came across as narrow-minded, exclusionary, even bigoted. And I didn't have to come all the way across the Atlantic Ocean in an infernal flying machine for that bullshit, if you know what I mean..

Solid Gold Vs. Solid Waste 2

Solid Gold

"Don't create
Don't rebel
Have intuition
Can't decide
Typical girls get upset to quickly
Typical girls can't control themselves
Typical girls are so confusing
Typical girls - you can always tell
Typical girls don't think too clearly
Typical girls are unpredictable (predictable)
Typical girls try to be
Typical girls very well
Typical girls are looking for something
Typical girls fall under spells
Typical girls buy magazines
Typical girls feel like hell
Typical girls worry about spots, fat, and natural smells
Stinky fake smells
Typical girls try to be
Typical girls very well
Don't create
Don't rebel
Have intution
Don't drive well
Typical girls try to be
Typical girls very well
Can't decide what clothes to wear
Typical girls are sensitive
Typical girls are emotional
Typical girls are cruel and bewitching
She's a femme fatale
Typical girls stand by their man
Typical girls are really swell
Typical girls learn how to act shocked
Typical girls don't rebel
Who invented the typical girl?
Who's bringing out the new improved model?
And there's another marketing ploy
Typical girl gets the typical boy
The typical boy gets the typical girl
The typical girl gets the typical boy
Are emotional"
--"Typical Girls" The Slits


Solid Waste

"[Chorus]
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your girlfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me
No way! No way!
No it's not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your girlfriend

You're so fine
I want you mine
You're so delicious
I think about ya all the time
You're so addictive
Don't you know what I could do to make you feel alright?(alright alright alright alright)
Don't pretend I think you know I'm damn precious
Hell yeah
I'm the mother (fucking) princess
I can tell you like me too and you know I'm right(I'm right I'm right I'm right)
She's like so whatever
You could do so much better
I think we should get together now
And that's what everyone's talking about!

[Chorus]

I can see the way, I see the way you look at me
And even when you look away I know you think of me
I know you talk about me all the time again and again
(and again and again and again)
So come over here, tell me what I want to hear
Better yet make your girlfriend disappear
I don't want to hear you say her name ever again
(And again and again and again!)
She's like so whatever
You could do so much better
I think we should get together now
And that's what everyone's talking about!

[Chorus]

In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger
Cause I can, cause I can do it better
There's no other
So when's it gonna sink in
She's so stupid
What the hell were you thinking?

[Chorus]
blah blah blah.." <--Ok, that's not really in the song
--"Girlfriend" Avril Lavigne

Hey! Hey! You! You! What the hell happened to punk music (besides old age and heroin)? Just like hip-hop (I think that these two musical movements have a lot more in common than you might initially think), it seems that the energy, meaning, and originality that this genre was known for has been totally sucked out over the last decade by... $omething evil. Curse you, damn evil.
All of that goodness is being replaced by complacent drivel. Welcome to the 21st Century, I suppose. I know that times and treands change, the youth get jaded, the music industry crumbles in on itself, and mama said there'd be days like this, but shit! Are we going to have to start a sister site, "Why Doesn't Anyone Else Smell This Shit (WDAESTS)" just to cover all the nonsense? Am I gonna have to start thinking about the 'good old days' so soon in my life? Ugh, I can hear my joints creaking already..

The Artist and The Scientist

Recently there is a growing consensus that more attention should be placed on mathamatics and the sciences to the detriment of the arts. Now if the purpose of this shift in concentration is due to the idea that mathamatics and the sciences are somehow superior to artistic endevors, then the powers that be are sadly mistaken. I am neither cognisant in the sciences nor mathamatics but I find them to have similar ways of dealing with the unknown world as practices such as writing and painting. For those aspects that have been institutionalized in both sciences and the arts, the ways of thinking may seen quite different due to different standardization practices. For example an editor for a poetry magazine uses different templates than an editor for a science magazine. This may seem trivial but if the analogy is extended, then the sciences and the arts appear to be polar opposites. The sciences are somehow more credible since they advance our material existance; material's are quantifiable and so can be measured for advancement. The credibility of the arts come into disrepute for the precise opposite reasons that are given for the credibility of the sciences; metaphysics and experiences are qualities that cannot be measured and so progress and advancement cannot be ascertained. However, when both scientists and artists peer into the unknown they are each dealing with the same issue, that being "what is out there." At this point both individuals are creating rules and regulations in order to understand the unknown world; these rules and regulations will later be codefied and standardized but they are not inclusive of the scientist and artist. The courage and dedication of both types of individuals must be extremely strong and their confidence unshakeable. Here there is no difference between artist and scientist because here the artist becomes the scientist and the scientis becomes an artist. So to the powers that be I would argue, that both modes of thinking are necessary for the advancement of our species. Our complicated world is made up of both quantities and qualities both of which need exploring and analysis if they are to be understood.