What Are We Gonna Do With All This Trash?: An Open Letter to the Democratic Party

October 12, 2006

An Open Letter to the Democratic Party

Dear Democrats,

What's new, guys? Not much on this end. I’ve been hanging and banging, ya know. Well, maybe not so much with the “banging,” but everything’s been solid.

Hey, I heard on the "Daily Show" about that Republican Congressman totally being caught trying to jerk off a couple of fifteen year old boys. Way gross. If that were me, I’d be all, like, “Dude, you got a floor vote to get to. Not the time to cyber-pull my wang.” I mean, right? LOL.

Then, on "Countdown" that dude was talking about that Republican Senator from Virginia who's Jewish but doesn’t want anyone to know, and how he hates black people, and that he apparently knows several different words for black people in different languages. I mean, damn, yo. You know you’re racist when you make sure to learn the ethnic slurs of countries you don’t even live in.

Oh, and then on "60 Minutes" they were talking about how a lot of the country is totally bumming on the President and how he handled Iraq, the hurricane, the economy, oil dependence, CEO malfeasance, nuclear proliferation, tying his shoes, torture, and… well, dudes, I kinda lost track after that.

Anyway, the reason I’m writing to you, ladies and gentledudes, is to say this:

DON’T FUCK THIS UP.

I’ve seen you there, hiding away, saying nothing, and hoping that the snowball the Republicans have kicked down the hill will smother them all. You may believe that you can just sit back and look good by comparison, benefiting from the “At Least My Party Doesn’t Try Fuck Boy Scouts” defense, but you’d be wrong.

Don’t stand silent and pray not to get hit with any Bad-PR shrapnel. Use this to promote your agenda, to announce your ideas, like… uh... um... Well, what the hell are your ideas, anyway?

Remember, dudes: The lesser of two evils is still evil.

Your Loving Blog Servants,

WAWGDWATT

3 comments:

Scrap Heap Pete said...: It took me quite awhile to figure out what 'WAWGDWATT' stood for. Duh!
What worries me is that Americans are typically quick to get angry but very slow to take action, especially political or social movements. Are there enough pissed off, voting liberals to counteract the right wingers who don't need to be angry to go vote?; 2:57 PM
Mike said...: Well, we thought there were enough in 2004, and look where that got us. I'd like to stay optimistic, but if I keep reading newspaper articles about Democrats Ready to Sweep Mid-Terms, I'm gonna freak out, knowing that these types of stories will only serve to stoke the conservative base into voting in record numbers.; 3:26 PM
Marie Debris said...: All the fucking "independents" need to stop wasting votes. I used to believe that being an independent was the way to go . . . until I realized that my vote didn't count for shit. Independents, would-be democrats, are taking votes away from the democrats. The independent party is a republican ploy to take over the world.; 6:42 PM

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A History Of Trash

Trash, at first, was a pretty cool guy. You know, he’d come over with some beers, and you’d hang out and have a couple of laughs. Maybe Trash brought some weed with him, and you guys tried to sync up Dark Side Of The Moon with The Wizard Of Oz until you remembered you lost your VHS copy of that movie sometime in college and that you fucking hate Pink Floyd. Good times were had, nonetheless.

But then, you don’t know what changed, but Trash started to overstay his welcome. He’d just linger for hours, never taking the hint you wanted him to leave, no matter how many times you yawned obnoxiously or mentioned how early you had to get up tomorrow. Trash just didn’t get it. You were getting older. You didn’t have the time anymore to stay up until 3 a.m. to talk about the Port season of “The Wire” or how much you miss Jawbox. Eventually, you just stopped taking Trash’s phone calls and no longer replied to his group e-mails about sneaking into abandoned mental hospitals.

Last time you saw Trash, he was smoking alone outside a local dive bar, looking down at his decaying and mismatched shoes. You hoped he had been doing well. You hoped he had not been hurt by the disintegration of your friendship. And if he had, you wanted to comfort him. You wanted to tell him that even though people move on with their lives, it doesn’t mean they stop caring. You wanted him to see in your eyes a sincere appreciation for the time you shared, because all the relationships in our lives help make us who we are, and even if you weren’t the best of friends anymore, you wanted him to know that there would always be a piece of Trash in your heart.

But instead, you looked away and crossed the street. You were with your new girlfriend, and you really didn’t want to have to explain Trash to her. She’d never understand.