Subject: New CelebReality Programming
Corporate Big-Wig: Alright listen up, idiots! We've done a really good job at creating reality tevlevision programs involving barely famous people who are crazy/down on their luck, but we need to take it to a higher, edgier level. The American public yearns for something more than heavy celebrities on scales, damnit! Is there an extremely popular art form out there that we can totally bastardize and twist around its true meaning?
Corporate Lackey #8: Well, Sir, we recently had some success in that area with "Rock School" with Gene Simmons...what about...."Rap School"?
Corp. Big-Wig: Excellent! Making a new show out of an old show by changing around the cast to suit particular demographics! I like the way you think, dicksnot! We need to tap into that suburban/urban market the same way we did with "Flavor of Love". I am getting tired of paying Flavor Flav in gold fronts and other assorted decorative jewelry. Who could we get to host? Does anybody know if Sinbad is available? He was a pretty fly MC back in that 'old school' if my memory serves me..
Corp. Lackey #2: Um..no Sir..and no one knows his current whereabouts..
Corp. Big-Wig: Damn. We need to get a rapper who at one time had lots of street credibility and was pretty scary to White America but then became an actor and actually portrayed some type of civil servant he once incited people to kill.... If only that person were out there...
Corp. Lackey #5: Ice Cube?
Corp. Big-Wig: Close, meatbag, but no cigar. I'm thinking...lighter skin, similar acting skills, and slightly more of a huckster...
Corp. Lackey #3: I think Ice-T fits the mold you were describing...
Corp. Big-Wig: Perfect! Book him not now, but 15 minutes ago, asshole! Now what about the cast?
Corp. Lackey #1: Well.. I think we should get a group of the whitest, don't-even-know-what-oppression-means, non-superrappin', prep school kids to help maximize the bastardization factor. Of course, we would add a token minority here or there..
<entire boardroom chortles>
Corp. Big-Wig: Yes, yes, can't forget about those minorities! That's why you're my #1 bitch, Corporate Lackey #1!
Ok douche bags, it looks like we've got ourselves another hit on our hands. From here the show pretty much makes itself. As for Corporate Lackeys numbers 4, 6, and 7, since you had nothing to contribute, your jobs and your lives will be terminated. I have large, armed men waiting outside to escort you to your graves. As for the rest of you, back to the basement, slaves!
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