What Are We Gonna Do With All This Trash?: MTV Europe Hates Black People!

November 17, 2006

MTV Europe Hates Black People!

You know, there are many occasions when making fun of celebrities seems like an immature endeavor. What right do we have, I'll find myself thinking, to ridicule people we've never met, simply because they're public figures whose level of success we feel is somehow undeserved. It sometimes just seems like sour grapes and makes it difficult to think of things to write for your blog, the majority of which is comprised of celebrity-bashing.

Then you find this amongst the interwebs, and you're seething animosity toward famous morons erupts anew.

There are so many fucked up things about that clip:

Kanye really thinks all that's needed for a truly great video is a million-dollar budget, a Pam Anderson cameo, and shots of him jumping over a canyon. This proves that he has the same aesthetic sensibility as a 9-year-old boy -- a dumb 9-year-old boy.
Kanye is actually upset that he didn't win an MTV Europe award. Motherfucker, it's MTV Europe. What the fuck is wrong with you? It's barely more prestigous than the award for World's Best Grandma, so chill the fuck out.
Timbaland is so famous in Europe that he was the presenter for this award. That's pretty cool, actually.
The incredibly condescending way Kanye puts down the band whose acceptance speech he is interrupting: "It's nothing against you, I've never seen your video." It's his egomanical way of saying: "I'm fucking Kayne, and you're nobody. If U2 were up here accepting this award, I wouldn't be doing this shit. But they're not, so fuck you."
Kayne ending his tirade displaying all the poise and tact of a world-class douchebag: "Timbaland, man. Bitch is hot!"

What a dick.

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A History Of Trash

Trash, at first, was a pretty cool guy. You know, he’d come over with some beers, and you’d hang out and have a couple of laughs. Maybe Trash brought some weed with him, and you guys tried to sync up Dark Side Of The Moon with The Wizard Of Oz until you remembered you lost your VHS copy of that movie sometime in college and that you fucking hate Pink Floyd. Good times were had, nonetheless.

But then, you don’t know what changed, but Trash started to overstay his welcome. He’d just linger for hours, never taking the hint you wanted him to leave, no matter how many times you yawned obnoxiously or mentioned how early you had to get up tomorrow. Trash just didn’t get it. You were getting older. You didn’t have the time anymore to stay up until 3 a.m. to talk about the Port season of “The Wire” or how much you miss Jawbox. Eventually, you just stopped taking Trash’s phone calls and no longer replied to his group e-mails about sneaking into abandoned mental hospitals.

Last time you saw Trash, he was smoking alone outside a local dive bar, looking down at his decaying and mismatched shoes. You hoped he had been doing well. You hoped he had not been hurt by the disintegration of your friendship. And if he had, you wanted to comfort him. You wanted to tell him that even though people move on with their lives, it doesn’t mean they stop caring. You wanted him to see in your eyes a sincere appreciation for the time you shared, because all the relationships in our lives help make us who we are, and even if you weren’t the best of friends anymore, you wanted him to know that there would always be a piece of Trash in your heart.

But instead, you looked away and crossed the street. You were with your new girlfriend, and you really didn’t want to have to explain Trash to her. She’d never understand.