Personal Hygiene Edition
Gold
It's important to practice good hygiene/
At least if you wanna run with my team/
I'm bout to get into some shit that I've seen/
This fool's breath, I mean it’s so bad it'll melt your ice cream/
They say don't say nothing if you can't say nice things/
Sittin too close to him it burned(?) like my eyes sting/
I try to be subtle, hand him a stick of gum/
I was a victim of breath on hum/
Running his yap about what set he’s from/
Gotta get some gum gotta get him some/
He turned it down, his teeth was brown/
Excruciating, foreign, it was a new sensation/
I had to ask the dope to pass the soap/
Cuz his toes had the sniff of crustaceans/
Or bathrooms in a bus station/
He had a can of O. E. and some raisins/
Amazin'/
head to toe B.O./
He didn't know/
used to the fragrance/
Just as the days went without bathing/
He felt manly and not like a maiden/
He had one dread, and fungus/
Said he worked on peoples' toilets with plungers/
Girls, not the guy you want to tongue ya/
So guys take your cue from this number/
[CHORUS] (x2)
You gotta wash your ass, if you must
You gotta wash your hair, if you must
You gotta brush your teeth, if you must
Or else you'll be funkyyyyyyyy
Now at class you need total concentration/
But there's kids in the back holdin conversations/
Crackin on each other, and neither were poster boys/
Both of em smell like the type that soap avoids/
Coast and Joy, on a leave of absence/
One's fool's feet smelled like it struck some matchsticks/
Brimstone, girls would never bring him home/
I was laughin, then his friend raised his tone/
And said, "Bud, you rolled all over yourself"/
I know some people your ass should be submerged/
Like you need to deal with water cuz you smell like a turd/
Wanna cap get some courage, your feet smell lurid/
Well look it up/And while you're at it, get a cup/
And squeeze the sweat out your sweatshirt and drink it or gargle/
You get our vote for most stinkiest/
That nigga started thinkin of shit/
said I was frail/
I said he was stale/
Underarms is ripe/
Undergarments tight/
about to leap out your holy sweats/
And we holdin bets/
and after this I'm gonna collect/
Nigga check yourself, respect yourself/
And wash your mothafuckin body 'fore your sweatshirt melt/
Like radioactive, no lady find you attractive/
The funk got you captive/
You don't need a map bitch/
CHORUS
---Del "If You Must"
Waste
You call a lady over with a beautiful grill/
You go to give her a kiss and yo she breath smell ill/
Chill/
That was my natural thought/
I'm distraught/
but going for the gold is what I was taught/
So I kiss she on she neck/
and then I caress she breast/
Lower body feelin' stressed/
We gettin' undressed/
and she getting on so lookin' fine and grindin'/
Scratchin', Cryin', Bitin', Whinin'/
Kiss she pon she belly then I get by the navel/
All of a sudden notice something smelling unstable/
Wait! What is that, fishbait?/
Unsanitary state ruining this date/
Then I pause for a second and the dils went (Droop sound)
Frustration from a foul sensation/
Hey baby did you ever think of bathin'/
Maybe next time before you give an invitation/
CHORUS
Washitup!/ A little water and soap/ and come along smelling fresh/ that would be dope
Washitup!/ Before you make me flee/ you're smelling like old cheese/ set me free
Washitup!/ I'm just talking that real/ Don't want the (blank)/ If the (blank) smell stale
Washitup!/ Before you make me cry/ You look good/ Smell bad/ Girl bye bye
---Mr. Lif "Wash It Up"
As with most things I don't like, I can't even make it all the way to the end, but the 2nd verse is much like the first, except in this one some girl still wants him (Mr. Lif) even though he just got off stage and is all sweaty and didn't have time to Washitup! before some girl pushes him into the bathroom and does him despite his stink.
So what's the deal here? Two respectable artists, one funny subject matter, yet one song shines while the other one not so much. First of all, maybe male stinkiness is almost to be expected, whereas female stinkiness is something that I don't really want to think, or hear, about. Is that sexist? Oh well. Also contributing to the suck is the lousy patois that Lif uses throughout the song. Snow (you know you remember the "Informer") had a more authentic accent and that dude's Canadian. Del's song just had better imagery (crustacean-scented toes, Coast and Joy taking leaves of absences, B.O. melting through sweatshirts, gargling sweat actually improving the smell of one's breath, etc). Lif's take on hygiene just comes across as shallow. Particularly when you consider the political nature of the rest of Lif's work. Leave the dirty poontang to Paris Hilton.
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